TO WOMEN EVERYWHERE FROM A MAN WHO'S (WHOSE?) HAD ENOUGH by Mike Glaser
forwarded by Deb Shedd
TO WOMEN EVERYWHERE FROM A MAN WHO'S (WHOSE?) HAD ENOUGH by Mike Glaser
forwarded by Deb Shedd
Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.
If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls,
don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.
Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive
than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting
married is that married women always cut their hair, and
by then you're stuck with her.
Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see
if we can find the perfect present yet again!
If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an
answer you don't want to hear.
Sometimes, We're not thinking about you. Live with it.
Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared
to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster
trucks.
Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.
Shopping is not a sport, and no, we're never going to think of it that
way.
When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.
Really.
You have enough clothes.
You have too many shoes.
Crying is blackmail.
Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one:
Subtle hints don't work. Strong hints don't work.
Really obvious hints don't work. Just say it!
We don't know what day it is. We never will.
Mark anniversaries on the calendar.
Urinating standing up is more difficult. We're bound to miss sometimes.
Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we'd
be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty,
would look good with your dress?
Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what
we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
Check your oil.
It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together.
No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
All comments become null and void after 7 days.
If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of
the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
Let us ogle. We're going to look anyway; it's genetic.
You can either tell us to do something OR tell us how to do something
but not both.
Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.
ALL men see in only 16 colors. Peach is a fruit, not a color.
If it itches, it will be scratched.
Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like
nothing's wrong. We know you're lying, but it's just not worth the
hassle.
What the hell is a doily?
Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the
Ark, professionals built the Titanic.